Are you fed up with Cupid giving you the cold shoulder? Me too, which is why this year I might try making fate work for me for a change by forcing that choosy cherub to shoot an arrow my way. You may ask how. Well, instead of ambling around my flat making 'incidental' trips past the letterbox to see if some deluded soul has had the bad sense to send me a card, I'm going to spend Valentines Day at Oxford clubs.
This is because on Valentines Day Oxford clubs are promising a kiss and a cuddle. For example, Lava and Ignite are hosting a Valentines Masquerade Bar incorporating a world record attempt. They're hoping to play host to the biggest organised kiss. It may sound like a fast-track to oral herpes,  but if you do risk it and go alone you will have to cop off with someone - by order of the management. And if you find your perfect match (unlikely) they'll give you a free drink. They're also offering everyone a free mask if you arrive before 11pm. This could be more useful than it sounds.

Another event that's sure to encourage hungry hearts to spend Valentines Day at Oxford clubs is Po Na Na. Its regular night - Boogie Beats - is hosting a Valentine special. If 10 or more of you get on the guestlist you'll receive a free bottle of bubbly and fresh strawberries. I don't know about you but this sounds an excellent office outing. Who knows, you could end up sharing the strawberries with the guy or girl you 'accidentally' keep bumping into at the coffee machine. And if you don't, and just make a tit of yourself instead, Monday morning will at least bit more exciting than it usually is, albeit in a flashback, gut-clench sort of way.

If you're loved-up already there's no reason why you shouldn't spend Valentines Day at Oxford Clubs. At Po Na Na they're keen to get everyone involved in the love-in, not just singles, so if you and your beau can head down before 11pm you get in for free. You can also have the pleasure of watching the drink-induced mating rituals that are unfolding on the dancefloor, smug in the knowledge that the taxi you'll be catching is going to a place you know, with someone you know.

If spending Valentines Day at Oxford clubs sounds like too of a love fest, you could head to Jongleurs. For Valentines they have Yianni Agislaou, Kevin Bridges, Nick Revell and Phil Butler who will no doubt take it in turns to mock the monogamous and cheer up the singles.